Write an epitaph and say the prayers

Epitaph
as she dreamed her dreams, I dreamed my dream
and without knowing how, my dreams became one with hers....

Prayers
Wherever you are, I wish you all the happiness

Moving on
I want to follow my dreams, some of them have been in standstill
1) I want to finish my novel
2) I want to start a venture, which will help people.
And i will happily dedicate it to your memories :)

when there are two people, one constantly talking to the other and the other constantly replying only in silence. Two things can happen. Either, the silent person can start talking or the talkative person becomes silent.

I hope you are happy that I have become silent. But my silence does not mean, I do no feel the things that i said i used to feel.

My feelings have the same zing about them. My hope is still alive.

My dreams are as vibrant as ever :)

I can live the rest of my life, just thinking about her

My attempt to meet her, varies from flying down to india and surprise on her birthday by driving her in a limousine to a beautiful beach, and asking her to marry me, to asking her to fly down(a surprise ticket in her mail) to venice and ferrying through in a gondola . I think of a thousand roses to be decorated in front of her house and sometimes i think about taking her in a hot air balloon to the top of the sky and the world.

The funny part is, i guess i know none of this matters. I probably know her answer, the one she has made it clear.

I guess, I can live the rest of my life, just thinking about her, and praying for her happiness - wherever she is.

Writing is not escapism

When I was younger, I used to write love letters, to a non existent girl, ananya. And yeah, sometimes, it would be reshma and sometimes rritu. If you ask me, if the girl was the projection of characteristics i liked in girls, i would say no. Those girls didnt exist, i didnt have an image of them, nor did i attribute any characteristics to them. For me, ananya was not important, what was important was the relation i had with her - a soul to soul connection if you say.

And inspite of this beautiful habits of writing letters, when any of my friend asked my advice on how to propose a girl, my advice never included writing a letter. I have asked guys to fly down on the girl's birthday to appear on the girl's door with a teddy, to take them for a beautiful evening walk along the beach and so on. And I always warned them against writing letters. Because, its not only that when the girl hears your proposal on a paper, you miss the facets of emotions popping in her eyes, it is also because, you lose the moment to be with her, when you are saying you want to be with her forever.

There is also a fear, the one developed during school days. The letter you write is a proof of your love. IF she says no, the letter remains forever, to haunt you for the rest of your life. Letters are proofs for and against the moment. I dont advice guys to write letters, because, it will help them move on, if and when she says no.

However, inspite of my own advice, I write letters. Why? the first ofcourse is, I dont want to move on and therefore i leave the proof of my love. Second, needs a lot of explanation.

Imagine, I like this girl, I walk down to her, go down on my knees and tell her - I love you.

three words, for the millions of different feelings I have in my heart? I can write three thousand novels, just to explain the first moment I looked at her.

How can I put into words, the time, she walked beside me, and her dupatta brushed my hand, and the world around me changed that very moment. Probably I would have turned to her said - wow thats nice. What a dampener :(

Writing is not an escapsism. Writing is trying to capture the moment in its fullest glory. Writing is like photography, in eight thousand nine hundred dimensions of human emotions. Probably painting comes closest to writing as a medium to freeze the moments, but then, there is only so much colors in the world.

ofcourse theres only that much words in the world :(

i want to write something today

Its been ages I wrote anything, so I want to write something today. I dont want to write about her, about my love for her or her nonchalant attitude. Therefore, I dont want to talk about love, beautiful things, or happiness, as in each of these words, I see her face pop out through them and look at me - ofcourse nonchalantly. Consequently I dont want to write on hate, ugly things or sadness, things that lack of her thoughts dont exist in this world for me. Ok Ok. I agree, she exists in my sadness, but thats not entirely true. But as I said, I dont want to write anything about her, so I dont want to write about my pain, my sadness, my loneliness, my longingness, my days, my nights, my dreams, my dreamlessness.

As I see, I cannot talk about relations, witty verbose, mobile phones, dance, music as she has sprayed her spirit in each one of them.

I cannot talk about walking, meeting, icecream, rasgolla, books, scooty, college, studies, work, as her thoughts are haunting each of them. Ofcourse, so I cant even talk about ghosts or souls or spirits.

But I need to write something today. I really need to. Atleast a single word. And if today, I do not find the word, I will write tomorrow or day after tomorrow. But I am sure, I can find a word that does not remind me of her.... i will write...i know :)