this too will pass by one day...i tell myself....

At this time of the year, for the last four years, I usually end up being in an emotional turmoil. I remember her birthday, and varied emotions run through my soul, as i keep trying to meet up with her on her birthday. I send her a message, asking her to come for a lunch with me, or the least talk to me, and in reply she always displays an obssessive nonchalant silence, which pierces through my heart, wounding me, and pushing me closer to insanity.

I dont know what i like in her.

It also could be my inability to like anybody else ( how could i like anybody else, if every gesture of every girl, merely reminds me of her. every word spoken by anybody reminds me of her. Everything abt everybody reminds me of her. In short i see not the world as everybody else sees it, but just i see her in the entire world and the entire world to me, just means her).

I am stupid i know, because, she has made it clear she does not love me. But is that good enough reason for me to forget her. yes says my brain, but in night, this very brain which conjures up reasons to forget her, fills every inch of my dream with her sillhouttes. What can i do? how do i forget her.

I know i cannot. and like every year, i will go through a depression. lose a month in nothingness. Spoil my health. stop talking to everybody. stop working. drink. start saying stupid things. make stupid plans. whatever. whatever.

and after her birthday, for another week, this myriad emotions will continue.

I will keep thinking abt her, in short, ever second, for twenty four hours a day, for the whole month. And when the month passes by, i will forget her. and things will return to normalcy. I will go back to work. start doing normal things.

ofcourse now and then somebdoy will remind me of her, and i will endear sadness for couple of hours......

but for now.....

i am hoping for the month to pass by....

this too will pass by one day...i tell myself....

for now...i still love u....and i really dont know how i can find meaning in my life without u........

Pandian