wow i saw this girl

wow i saw this girl....so beautiful....i couldnt even beleive i was standing beside her...
she came to our lab to install, and demonstrate a constant current source.....and instead she became a constant thought in my mind.....
the blue dress, the jasmine smell, the hesitant smile, the mallu accent....

what does it take to make a guy fall for a girl...

i dont know....

whatever it is....it was in her...and yesh...unabashed...i say...i am smitten...

the next day again she came to lab...

an orange dress...the same jasmine smell, the same hesitant smile...she said good morning.....and made my day completey bright forever...

and the last word, and the only other word she said was - bye...

and i said....silly of me...but i said...c u again....

i dont know if she realised it...

but yes...i am waiting for her....

if there is anygirl for me....as they say...is destined in heaven....let her be the one....

i am waiting.......

kinda strange story

well..i was going to chennai the other day. at kalpakkam, i was lucky to get a car. The car driver is supposed to go to chennai, so he picks up people up on the way and asks for a nominal tab. so that day i was sitting along with the driver in the front, and there were two old men and one old lady sitting at the back. When i say old, they were say probably in their mid fifties.
so this lady was telling her story to the other two men...
and i was overhearing their conversation as i had nothing else to do...
this lady's husband is in dubai...
and she said...her daughter is not well...
it sounded like a skin disease...
then she said...her daughter had a skin disease...that turned into a boil...that swelled...and became a big infection and it had to be operated on.
even though they had taken her to hospital within two days of seeing the infections...it boiled down to an operation.
First the fess of the hospital were high...25000rs per day in the icu.....worse the docter asked the girl to be shifted to his clinic so that he could take care of better...meaning...he could earn more money...
in short the opration costed her 8 lakhs..
somehow when she was speaking...the way she was speaking...i thought she was showing of her wealth rather than trying to garner sympathy or find consolation for her suffereing....the icu costed this much...the medicine costed that much..the operation costed this much and so on....

however...sometimes people hide their pain behind the pride...and i have seen it in my friend.....and i was seeing in this lady....

it turned out that the lady has two daughters. The elder daughter was normal till she was 10 or 11...but one fine day...she did not return from school. when they searched for her, they found her lying in the corner of the school....she had changed...she was mentally affected...and till date she is like that.....she cant do a single thing herself....even routine work like...taking bath...attending to nature's call....she cant do it herself.....only this lady has to help her daughter. they tried putting her daughter in an asylum....but then they thought its better to have her daughter with themselves than to be at the mercy of strangers.
the daughter is 31 now...and still...she cant take care of herself...for even few minutes...
the second daughter was also like that...but she is cured and is happily married...

but the elder daughter...no cure...
they have spent huge amount for her cure...but to no avail...

they even pleaded with the doctor to administer euthansia...but the doctor said...they save life and not take lives....

and this lady...she was yearning...literally....that her daughter somehow dies....so that all of them will be relieved of their sufferings....

i make an effort to make people smile...
and people effortlessly hurt me and go :(

its funny how people expect me to say yes always

like everybody else ( i am adding that line....because often i get the feeling that people think...hey what the big deal...this happens to me as well....yes it does...and it happens to me as well...and when it does....i love to write...and it does not mean...it hasnt happened before...its just that...this time...i feel like writing...)people come seeking advice and pouring their heart...
and sometimes...being a good listener...and sometimes being stupid enough to leave my work to listen to them...i get enough of this crap....sometimes...more than i can digest...
and everytime...i used to comfort people...
but now, when i have changed...and tell people what i should be telling and not what they should hear.....i find it people absolutely going cranky.....their reaction varying from....a silent walk out to hey....why the heck am even speaking to u...if u dont want to understand...
yes...i do understand them...even today....but i am just not ready to give them the advice they want to hear...
this morning, one guy came and complained abt his professor to another of his friend......ofcourse this time...i was there by accident...
i told him....u can complain...and get frustrated...or be cool and think what best u can make out of the situation....
and he told me...i have nothing more to say...since u r who u r...and yeah...u dont convince me...
ofcourse, if i had joined in his verbal bashing of his guide..if i had said...yes..yes...i have heard to...ur proffesor stinks...and blah....blah...he would have felt great...

but i simply cant do that crap anymore...
i have grown up...
so people...if u want to hear the truth come to me....and if u r seeking comfort...please leave me...i am no more that guy...who says yes to every shit....

small things of life

like most other canteen in colleges and institutes, our canteen is also bad. the funny thing is everybody complains abt it but nobody does anything abt it. my friend had an interesting theory - he said, tamilians are easily satisfied. all they need for food is sambhar and rice - good or bad, and they will be satisfied. and since the management and majority of employees are tamils, they do nothing abt it.
yes, he is indeed right.
and i take pride in that sentence, that, as a tamilian, it doesnt take a lot out of life, to keep me satisfied. what is that i expect in life - three meals, two children and one wife...not necessarily in that order. :p
no matter what great work i do, or no matter how badly i do in life, if i know back at home, there will be a beautiful wife waiting for me, my children playing and waiting and fighting, my days will be beautiful.
what else i need in life...
i am a simple man. i do no understand ambition, success or failure, politics and statemanship. i cant understand complex things of life. i dont want to.
i understand happiness and pain. i understand happiness is better than pain. and i understand less is more.
so all i seek is to be satisfied with a simple life....
is it ok to want less...i dont know. but i let it be

some sweet recollections

well, over the last two months, i traveled to orissa, delhi and west bengal. it had been awesome over the stretch of my travel....
so i thought let me put down few of the most memorable moments on my blog...
1)i had just come down from delhi and i was waiting for bus to go to home...i had a sling bag, a back pack bag, a travel bag, and a mickey mouse doll - feet and a half tall. i had put the bags in a heap on the road and had let the doll rest on the top. there were many buses passing by. from one of them, i saw this beautiful girl, looking out of the window. she saw the mickey mouse and her eyes began a smile that ended with her lips. as bus moved her eyes stayed fixed to the doll. i was enjoying the sheer bliss in her eyes. suddenly she realised i was enjoying her enjoying the sight of my doll, and she gave a part of the smile that was meant for the doll to me....it was really sweet
2) when my bus came, it took me an effort to haul the bags into the bus. there was this old lady sitting in the bus, who helped me settle comfortably. then she enquired whther i was going out....i replied no...i coming back home.....and then she started blessing me...and wished me all success in life....that was touching
3)i was travelling from kharagpur to kolkotta. when i was listening to my mom, i put my hands on my chin, as if to indicate i was thinking. a samosa vendor, who was passing by, he came and pushed my hand aside,and said - sir, u should not worry. here u have to pay fine if u worry only then u can pay money to buy samosa. importantly no worries. if u worry u have to pay a fine. he smiled and left. it was so heart warming
4)i was kinda feeling lonely and jittery before my first talk in a conference at delhi. two tamil friends, they said, hey pandian, tell me the time of ur talk we will be there for u. and though they bunked all other talks...they were there for me. that was very wonderul of them. and my friends from warangal they were also there....it was nice....
5)i was at orissa, dancing in my friend's baraat. another friend wih whom i had gone there, who was dancing ( the best dance i had seen in my life ) watched me dance, was constantly looking out for me...taking care of me...so that i am not lost in the crowd...that was touching
6)in delhi, i was staying at my friends place to attend his brother's marriage. one morning i had to start early to go for a workshop. his uncle, who had also just got up, insisted i have breakfast and asked his another nephew to drop me to the station
very caring...
my friend's brother took care of me like his own brother...very warm


list will continue in future post

where does ur freedom end....

before i start talking about the issue on hand let me make two things clear
a) i am a strong supporter of individual's freedom. everybody has a right to do anything and everything, if it doesnt interfere with other person's freedom.
b) i believe in religious tolerance. though i am an atheist, i still believe that it gives me no right to mock at people. i respect all religion, their beliefs, and so on. Actually often i am dazed and wonder at the simplicity of such beliefs.

So coming to the issue at hand...
day before yesterday i was coming from bhubneswar to chennai. I had gone there to attend a marriage of my friend. we had stayed all night and had slept only in the morning. so when we finally got into the train, at 10 in the night, we were tired and just kicked the sack.
i dont what time it was, must be between two to four in the morning, when we heard lot of noise. The sabarimala devotees, making their annual pilgrimage, got into the train, shouting " saami saranam....."
It was to say the least - irritating.
When morning i got up, having hardly slept, i find all the devotees sprawled all over the coach. they did not have confirmed ticket. ofcourse it is legal to get into a train with a wait listed ticket, but so many of them? OFcourse giving inconvenience to the fellow mankind is never a thought in their mind, after all converse only with GOD!!!
notwithstanding the fact that our dear lalu had introduced a seat between the side upper and side lower, making each coach little more crowded, these people occupied every single space left - the places beteen the seats, the places between two thin people, the places where one guy has gone to the upper berth to catch a nap.....every possible seat.....
and top it up with the noise.....
and as if it was not enought that they disturbed the sleep in the night, when we went to sleep in the afternoon, their enchanting prayer to god, cajoled us to wake up!!!!!
thank u god
thank u devotees

what am i doing...

for defending my concept of friendship, i alienate my friends....
for defending my concept of honesty, i hurt my dearest...
for defending my concept of justice, i show no mercy to the dying...
for defending my rights, i snatch away others'...
for proving i am right, i prove everybody else wrong...
what am i doing...
who has given me the right to decide, what is right, what is wrong...

We'll See...

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit.
"Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.
"We'll see," the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses.
"How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.
"We'll see," replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
"We'll see," answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
"We'll see" said the farmer.


- zen philosophy
taken from - http://goto.bilkent.edu.tr/gunes/ZEN/zenstories.htm

my rendition of pablo neruda

pabloneruda.mp3